Overgiving and Protecting Your Energy Through Illness

When you are navigating chronic illness or a disease it takes far more energy to do things than when you were healthy. Oftentimes, chronic pain leads to insomnia, fatigue, and neurological challenges. Your capacity changes in terms of what not only you are able to give to yourself but to others. 

I learned quickly how my body and capacity went through waves through the years based on my health. I went from having a strong body that felt like an energizer bunny that was on the State Soccer team, running 5Ks, skiing, to being so sick I had to sit in the aisle of a grocery store and soon after, was bedridden for years.

I had to learn how to pivot and understand my limitations and protect my energy. I would toggle from feeling guilt for not being able to give like I once could to overgiving and draining myself which put my health in a difficult place. These are some things to implement to protect your energy and not get stuck in overgiving.

1). Get Clear of Your Emotional Capacity Baseline

Establishing an emotional capacity baseline was key for my health and emotional well-being. Before I did this, I would often do too much and it would lead to horrific flares where I couldn’t move for days, or leave my body in a state of dysregulation. Part of understanding my emotional capacity was realizing it would change on certain days and making a plan for the days I had more energy.

This process takes trial and error and it’s a state of listening to your intuition and body when you have reached your limit. For instance, you may start feeling fatigued, drained, or zoned out. Having the awareness of what signals your body gives you when you are approaching your limit and then responding to it is key to find balance.

2). Set Boundaries With Yourself and Others

Before I learned how to set boundaries, I had to understand what boundaries I needed. Those boundaries changed when I became sick due to my capacity. As you reflect on this, it’s important to look at when you feel drained, what you are able to handle and how much. At one point, I could only be around people a short time and it was easier for me to communicate remotely than in-person. I recognized this and set limits until I was in a better place.

Boundaries for me also looked like on the hard days understanding my capacity for cooking and chores. It also looks like finding a way to give to your children and partner by compromising at times, and understanding limits on what you can handle per day, so it’s sustainable. 

3). Understand Your Wants and Needs and How They Have Changed

Once I noticed a pattern of imbalance in my life with new connections, I realized how much it dysregulated my system. Balance and reciprocal energy became a non-negotiable need. Our needs alter in different stages in our lives as we grow, how much communication we like and how we prefer it, the type of support that feels good in our system, and our desire to be heard and seen. Getting clear about your needs will allow you to set a framework of protecting your energy, so your body can focus on healing.

4). Pay Attention to How Your Body Feels Around People

When you go through trauma or even illness you can become desensitized from your body and doubt your intuition. It was through EMDR therapy that I learned what areas of my body give me signals and it prepared me to pay attention when I was around someone that wasn’t safe or in alignment. I no longer doubted the gut feeling I had and instead deepened my awareness. When you learn how your body responds, it can help you find the right support system, diet, and herbs and medicine that are in alignment with your needs.

5). Don’t Decode Actions and Behavior From Others or Have a Heart to Heart During a Flare

When your body is in fight or flight mode or experiencing extreme dysregulation, it is not the time decode people’s actions, overanalyze, or have deep conversations. This is a signal that you have to protect your energy and table it until you can be attentive and engaged. It can be a difficult boundary to set, especially if someone upsets you or triggers you, the best thing you can do for your body and emotional state is to put it in a box temporarily and come back to it later

6). Have Awareness of How People Treat You and Reign Your Energy Back When It’s Less Than You Deserve

I entered a long and painful season in my life where I noticed a pattern in new connections that forced me to grow. It went something like this: I thought we were on the same page in terms of building a friendship, so I gave and they took but they didn’t give back. There was an imbalance. I was treated like a friend of convenience - breadcrumbed, treated inconsistently, and things were always on their terms. It was a pattern of emotional unavailability and being dismissed.

Some of these connections resurfaced years later, people I was once friends with in school and my desire to keep trying and not lose the connection ended up hurting me in the end and it was through that pain that left me with wisdom and growth through a tough lesson. I learned to become aware from the beginning of someone’s intentions from how they treat me. It meant understanding that what was in my control is not how they responded but how I communicated. All I could do was communicate my needs in a respectful manner and set boundaries and then wait and observe. 

If they didn’t make changes in how they treated me, I had to rein my energy back and several times, let go of the connection, which was not easy. Before I came to this space though, instead of pulling my energy back, I tried harder, had hope they would change, continued to overgive, and didn’t want to let go because the loss felt too much on a health journey where chronic illness already caused severe grief.

7). Know Your Worth No Matter The Outcome

There are a lot of moving pieces with disease and chronic illness and when people don’t show up or respond the way we need them to. When people choose to walk away instead of giving support, when doctors aren’t able to work with us, it feels like a hit to the system in a way healthy people may not understand.

When you don’t feel well chronically or even long-term through disease, these moments can cut a worthiness wound inside us and when that happens, you have to remind yourself your worth isn’t through another person, what you own, or even your health. 

“Your worth doesn’t change or alter from circumstances, people, or loss. Your worth is steady, strong, like a lighthouse with a beam of light leading you through the darkness. It’s the will to keep going when you feel like giving up, the whisper to continue to have hope despite the hell you are walking through, and it’s the hand that reaches for you when you feel like you are sinking. ”

Your worth is the ability to love yourself unconditionally and the grace to forgive. It lifts you up and gives you the courage to keep moving forward.